My anxiety is not something I expected to post about on here. But, turns out, it might be somewhat relevant to a witchy topic, so here we go…
Please note that this is just my personal experience with anxiety, and everyone’s experience is different.
I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember. I was a shy, nervous kid. Always on edge. Terrified of change.
As an adult, not much has changed, besides the luxury of being able to get on anti-anxiety medication in my early 20s. I was on meds for about 5 years, and it did wonders for my anxiety. But, it did have some unfortunate side effects that I will not get into. And those side effects are basically the reason why I made the decision to taper off of this particular medication now, in my late 20s*.
* Note: I would be open to trying a different type of medication in the future, but right now I’m trying to see if I can get a grip on my anxiety on my own, since this is my first time being off meds in 5 years.
I’ve been fully off my meds for about 5 months now and so far it’s going okay. I’ve learned about different methods to manage anxiety and those help a lot! For example, I read this great book called Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind*by Jennifer Shannon, LMFT. I love it because it presents a great visual: your anxious brain is basically a monkey, swinging around from branch to branch. But just because it grabs a particular branch, doesn’t mean you should hold on to it.
*I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.
The reason why I’m bringing up how I manage my anxiety is because I’m about to get a little woo-woo when I’m talking about the moon. And I don’t want to come across like I do nothing for my anxiety except complain about the phase the moon is in.
But, for the sake of full transparency, I will share that I may have re-enacted this scene from 30 Rock once or twice:
While the techniques I’ve learned generally do a good job of keeping my anxiety at bay 90% of the time, there are times when it does get out of control. Like WAY out of control. I’m talking the spiraling thoughts, down the rabbit hole, the worst case scenario is the one that’s bound to happen. That level of anxiety.
So, I wanted to know why this could be happening. What’s triggering these particularly intense bouts of anxiety?
I started taking notes of everything I could possibly observe when these episodes took place. The time (does it only happen when I’m hungry?), the date (maybe it’s my menstrual cycle?), and even the freaking phase of the moon.
So what did I find?
Get this: turns out, every catastrophic anxiety episode I’ve had in the past few months has WITHOUT FAIL fallen around the timing of a New Moon. Now, I’ve heard of people feeling some-type-of-way around the Full Moon, but never on a New Moon.
Well, here’s my theory:
Why do my emotions (apparently) revolve around the moon?
Surprisingly, this one is easy. I’m a Cancer Moon. In astrology, Cancer is literally ruled by the Moon. And what else does the Moon rule? Our emotions. So, through the transitive property, the Moon could theoretically have a pretty intense effect on my emotions.
But why would the New Moon enhance my anxiety?
Put your tin foil hats on for this one. On a whim, I googled “what moon phase was I born in”. Unbelievably, it turned out that I was born on a New Moon. What does the New Moon represent? New beginnings. But, because the world is dark and hard to see during the New Moon phase, it could also represent uncertainty and perhaps a little fear (I don’t know about you, but I’m still afraid of the dark).
And that leads me back to being terrified of change. Could that be because I was born on a New Moon, during a time of darkness and uncertainty? And is every recurring New Moon a reminder of that?
Am I reaching here? Probably. I’m no expert. And again, anxiety is obviously much more complicated than just looking at the phases of the moon.
But this did get me a bit curious. I wonder what would happen if, instead of blindly going into the “uncertainty” of a New Moon (and the proceeding waxing phases), what if I do what many witches consider essential to their practice anyway: setting an intention during the New Moon phase (so that it manifests by the time the Full Moon comes around).
If I set an intention, perhaps that would help guide me through the darkness (or at least give me some sort of sense of control).
I might try it on the next New Moon.